I’m not crazy about the spouse/partner of my executor or guardian. Is that a problem?

The simple and probably unsatisfying answer is it depends. In most cases, I wouldn’t worry too much about whether you get along well with the spouse or partner of your executor. The executor’s job is to deal with property. The legal powers of the executor are not meant to be shared with the executor’s significant other. So if you trust your executor to deal responsibly with your money and other property, your dislike of your executor’s spouse is probably not terribly significant.

It’s not like your executor’s spouse can say, “Honey, I know your brother planned on leaving everything to his kids, but I really want to buy a condo in Phoenix.” Well, okay, your executor’s spouse could in fact say that, but presumably your executor is mature enough to know that, as far as the law is concerned, following through on such a proposal would be tantamount to theft.

A concern about the executor’s spouse is often based on a conceptual misunderstanding about what you’re doing when you appoint someone to be your executor. You are not giving your assets to your executor; you are simply entrusting that person to distribute your assets as you have indicated. As such, the executor’s spouse has no ownership interest in, and no legal right to, your property.

However, if your would-be executor’s spouse has a history of theft or fraud, a debilitating gambling problem, a tendency towards domestic violence, or a severe drug addiction that has led to money problems, then that may in fact be a reason to pick a different executor. It wouldn’t be a case of not trusting your executor, but a reasonable fear that your executor’s spouse would steal funds the estate, for example, by having access to your executor’s bank records, cheque book, etc.

Except in such rare circumstances, the spouse of your executor is probably irrelevant. If your executor is trustworthy, and is willing to assume the responsibility of administering your estate, then that’s probably all that really matters.

It’s an entirely different matter if you can’t get along with the spouse of your would-be guardian. A guardian assumes parental responsibility for your children once you have died. That person’s spouse will almost certainly become a parental figure to your children. If you have legitimate concerns about the spouse’s parenting capacity, it probably makes sense to look elsewhere for a guardian.

That being said, you may wish to consider whether you are being too critical of your would-be guardian’s choice of partner. Would this person provide a safe and loving home for your children? If the answer is yes, then a minor personality quirk or two may not be deal-breaker. For most people, the pool of would-be guardians is not terribly large, as people outside of close family are probably not chomping at the bit to raise your kids. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t be selective in your choice of guardian, but simply that you shouldn’t expect perfection from your guardian or from the spouse of your guardian.